An Adventure in London: Day 2

The second day in London was even better than the first (although Francine disagrees!). We decided to get up at eight, because we were going on a tour at 11 and didn't want to be late. But we didn't get up until nine. We got ready quickly, and actually made it on time! We were almost late, but Francine's sense of direction saved us.

So we went a-walking. Our tour guide, Rachel, started out telling us about Covent Gardens (which was originally Convent Gardens, and was shortened over time.) As the name suggests, it was originally a garden in a convent. Then the land changed hands a couple times, I won't bore you with the details, until the 18th century, when Covent Garden became a well-known red-light district. There were so many prostitutes, that a catalog was put together by a man with way too much time on his hands. Harris's List of Covent Garden Ladies, the "essential guide and accessory for any serious gentleman of pleasure," included names, addresses, age, physical descriptions, prices, and sexual specialities of the working women in the area. Which I think is just ridiculous. But there's the 1700s for ya.

Then we moved to Trafalgar Square, where I learned all about the giant pillar and the lions in the center of the square. The name commemorates the Battle of Trafalgar, a British naval victory of the Napoleonic Wars over France and Spain. So apparently it was a victory due to the genius of a guy named Vice Admiral Lord Nelson. I didn't understand all the tactical whatever, but basically the British fleet was badly outnumbered but didn't lose a single ship because they forced the French/Spanish fleet to fire in on itself. So the Franish (haha, Franish) surrendered and the British confiscated all their ammunition. Sadly though, Nelson was shot during the battle. The bullet entered his chest and exited at the base of his spine, and died a couple hours later. So sad.

Anyway, they wouldn't throw the guy overboard because he was an important dude, but they were two weeks away from home. And that would be smelly. So the men folded him in half and stuffed him in a barrel, then filled it with rum. Because everyone knows alcohol preserves meat. But when they got home there was only a little bit of rum left. Because these men thought they were gonna die in a battle and they didn't. You would celebrate too, right? So they drank the rum with the dead guy floating in it, because a little blood never hurt anyone. 

Then they took the ammunition they stole, melted it down, and made this beautiful memorial: 

It's called Nelson's Column

And it's guarded by four lions, one in each corner.

Rachel called it "the biggest middle finger to France that England could muster." Haha. People were climbing on the lions. But I couldn't, because I was wearing a dress and so had to be 'ladylike.' Too bad.

From theore we moved on to St James's Palace on Pall Mall, which is one of the oldest palaces in London. Henry VIII commissioned the palace as a hunting lodge in 1531. We got to see the guards in the funny hats here, but I'm not sure what they were doing exactly. But it was cool to watch.

 

While we were there, Rachel took us through a "short" history of all Henry VIII's wives. It was really funny, because she play-acted the part of Henry, and kept pulling girls out of the group to play the Wives. She picked my to be Wife #1, Catherine of Aragon. So I got up there and "made a baby" with  "Henry" (which was done by dancing like idiots and bumping hips.) I had a girl named Mary. And then I was divorced.

This is the Palace. Doesn't look like much does it?

Then as we were walking toward Buckingham Palace, we stopped by this sign on the side of a building. Apparently Nell Gywnne lived here. Nell Gwynne was a long-time mistress of King Charles II and the most famous Restoration actress (and one of the first female actresses ever). Gwynne had two sons by King Charles (named Charles and James.) The Queen of the time was Portuguese and catholic (gasp!) and wasn't very popular with the people. In fact, they hated her. One day, Nell borrowed the Queen's carriage (which had the queen's crest on the sides) and as she was traveling a huge crowd of people stormed up and stated violently rocking the carriage. They were shouting "Bring out the catholic whore!" and so Nell supposedly stepped out, let them see her, and said, "I am not your catholic whore! I am your regular whore!" and bowed (obviously she used old timey language though). I loved that story. It was funny.

 

"In a house on this site lived Nell Gwynne from 1671-1687"

 Then we made it to Buckingham Palace, where we learned how to tell if the Queen was home (she wasn't; you can tell by looking at whether the Royal Standard is flying.) Basically we learned about how amazing Queen Elizabeth is and how she's just a really nice little old lady. Which I could totally see. Our tour guide has met her a couple times, because Rachel occasionally works as a food taster (you know, to screen for poisons and such.)

That's Rachel. She was great.